A few ways to annoy Siegfried
by Angel-Pie111
Summary: My list of ways to REALLY get on Siegfried's nerves
1. Chapter 1

Just a few ways to annoy Siegfried from Soul Calibur  
1. Every few minutes comment on how beutifully long you think his hair is.  
2. At random points in the day, ask repeatedly to brush his hair.  
3. In the morning, jump out of his closet screaming "I'M A BARBIE GIRL!! IN MY BARBIE WOOORLD!!"  
3. Play with his sword for a few minutes, and then tell him that you've seen better ones on Nightmare.  
4. Ask him if he has a thing for Sophitia, and before he answers say "It's okay if you don't roll that way, I understand."  
5. After he wins a match, say to the loser that they were just beaten by a girl.  
6. Ask if he would like you to cut his hair.  
7. From behind, purposely call him Paris Hilton and apologize after a few minutes.  
8. Poke his face in public and ask if he wears Olay make-up.  
9. Tell him that you told Nightmare that he infact does wear make-up.  
10. Whenever you play soul calibur, skip over him a few times and then go back and say "Ohhh, I thought that was a girl..."  
11. Read this list out loud to him.  
12. Tell him that he has pretty eyes.  
13. With in a few minutes of number 7, ask if he knows Paris' hair stylist.  
14. Apologize and say, "It's allright, you're not the only one." while brushing his hair.  
15. Call him over at his house and ask if he wants to play barbie, you'll be Ken.  
16. If he says no, pester him repeatedly and call him Jonie untill he says yes.  
17. When he does say yes, change your mind and say Nightmare agreed to be Barbie.  
18. Throw rocks at him and say it's to check his armor for durability.  
19. Ask if he wants to come to an all girl slumber party.  
20. After all that, imply that you truly did think he is a pretty dude.


	2. Siegfried And I

I thought he was stupid...

That's all, nothing more, nothing less.

Of course, he wasn't the one who ran around cosplayed as _himself _singing Aqua songs. (I got to sleep in his clothes that night though!)

He was practicing now so I couldn't bother him no matter what.

(Or atleast almost..._ hehe_)

I knew if I was either bleeding or making some kind of fuss about Mc Donalds he'd pay attention.

So I did both.

"Siegfried! Siegfried-Siegfried-Siegfried-Siegfried-Siegfried!!! I'm bleeding! Oh my God, oh my God what do I do!?"

He ignored me, it never works the _first _time.

"Siegfried! There's a _huge _gash in the side of my head!"

"There always has been!"

"What's that suposed to mean!? I'm injured here! A-and hungry! Take me to a hospital near a Mc Donalds!"

Now that I think of it, he thinks I'm stupid too....

How Fun!

"C'mon Siegfried! I'm hungry! And I can't drive!"

"No! You're just trying to get me in public to embarass me again! Why don't you go bother Kilik!?"

"Because! He and Maxi are--"

A bird flies by and caws loud enough so that I'm not heard.

"You know about that!?.....Fine, I'll take you to Mc Donalds. On a few conditions,"

We may have a problem....

"And what would that be?"

"Don't call me Barbie Girl, don't comment on how 'Pretty' you think I am, and don't even hint on calling me a girl. Got that?"

"Alright, fine. I promise... Barbie girl."

"Hey!"

"I had to get that out!"

After slight argument over my non-existent head injury, we were at Mc Donalds...

Oh, lolz.

"Okay... I want two hamburgers no mustard , and fries... And a kids meal for blondie with a girl toy please."

"You liar!"

"Okay fine! Get whatever you want!"

So we ordered, and Siegfried was scolded for a few minutes, till my monomania switched to something else.

"Hey Barbie--er-- Siegfried, do you think there's a whole factory of people out there that make these little plastic wrappers? I mean, would'nt that just be a lame job?"

"I think the same people who make the toys make the wrappers, that would only make sense."

"Such a boring job..."

"...Yeah, okay then...."

"Don't be so nonchalant Siegfried. You could argue back."

"Yeah, but knowing you it would probably get really stupid really fast. I choose my battles wisely."

Is he calling me stupid!?

Probably so....

And that's perfectly fine....

After causing a whole crowd at Mc Donalds, Siegfried and I went somewhere quiet that he knew was harder to cause trouble in-- The library....

"Siegfried can we leave? The attendant here doesn't like me! And I've read every interesting book in here!"

He continued to ignore me like it was easy.

_It was time to cause trouble again..._

I think I might have thrown a book at his head. One of those sucky romance books where everything ends up okay. So you _know _it was heavy.

Whatever it was I did, it made him really angry so he took me home.

But he had to drag me away kicking and screaming....

So in all in all, Siegfried and I had a normal day....

Love You!


	3. Siegfried, My House, and Ramen

From then on, Mc Donalds and head injuries were out of the question. But I still found myself being almost super glued to Siegfried, telling him something stupid while he pretended to listen.

"Y'know you have a lisp right?"

"Mmmhmm."

"And you're holding your sword wrong."

"Yeah."

"Your hair is so pretty."

"Thanks."

"Oh, and your head's bleeding from where I threw that book at you....Again."

"I believe you."

No....

It really was this time.

Of course he had every right not to believe me (Like _really _believe me) Because I'd told him that several times in the past thirty minutes.

That's right-- I've an innate sense of time telling.

"I'm being sooo serious right now Siegfried, even your make-up isn't covering it up."

"Okay for the last time I _do not _wear make-up."

He was paying attention now.

But no, his head was really bleeding.

"Listen barbie girl, your gonna pass out from blood loss."

"No I'm...."

I think he must've seen the blood, 'cause he started squealing and geting all squeamish on me.

I just had to throw another romance book at him that I'd been keeping in my AWESOME I-carly book bag.

'Ahem', mini book bag.

I let him lay in my bed while he was out, but he'd be the one to clean the blood stains. I'm not very good at doctoring so on the way back to my house I accidentally bumped his head about eleven times. I disregaurded all the stares I recieved, but you'd get some strange stares too if you were carrying an unconscience blonde who's head was bleeding.

"YO! Barbie girl! Up and at em'!"

I stood up on the bed and kicked him in the head--Then slapped myself for rhyming...

"Gah! What!?... Oh, it's you... Still."

"Yes, you agreed to watch me for today, 'member? You 'member!"

"You can watch yourself!"

"I KNOW. But it's fun to have you around."

He grumbled something, the attempted to adjust and get back under the covers. But little to anyone's knoledge-- including my own-- I'd placed candles around him.

"What the--"

"IM A BARBIE GIRL, IN MY BARBIE WOOORLD!"

"What are you doing!"

"Nothing!"

The candles dissapeared into my backpack as he made a cry of 'Deliciouso!' I had no idea of what to do next. He was just sitting there staring at me like I was a maniac-- heh, or one that didn't already _know _it. So I did the first thing that came to my mind.

"Want some ramen? My noodles are awesome."

By then I speaking in that soft little girl voice, that I could only explain as what a toddler would sound like after getting in trouble for killing their big sister's turlte Marty.

"....O-okay..."

"Alright!"

I stood there smiling at him for a moment, then scurried off. While I cooked, of course I had to sing the Ramen song.

"*Ahem* WHEN IM FEELING EMPTY INSIIIDE! WHEN THE COLD WINDS' BLOWING OUTSIIIDE! NOODLES IN A BOWL! SUBSTINENCE FOR MY SOUL!!! RAMEEEEENNNN! HOW I LOVE THE SOO! WHY DOES THE MICROWAVE BEEEEP!!!???? WHAT STRANGE SECRETES DOES IT KEEP!? SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING! STUFF THAT'S MADE OF DREAMS! RAMENNN! LOVE WHAT IT BRINGSSS!!!"

Then the microwave beeped before I could remember the last few lyrics. I took the unbelievably hot and steaming bowl back to Siegfried, humming the tune to myself.

"Here you go!"

I smiled, holding it out to him. He seemed to look kind of terrified.

"Wh-what was that noise? A banshee?"

"A-ha-ha, of course not silly!"

I slapped his back, causing the steaming hot ramen to fall into his oh-so-perfectly placed lap.

"I told you my noodles were awesome! Hot, right!?"

"THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN MY LAP!!!!"

When he was looking to strangle me I had already floated out of the room.

"Geez, some people can't take their ramen in the lap. I mean, what else are they for!?"

I looked around, wondering what to do next. Siegfried was still swearing loudly which scared my imaginary cat snowflake, that wasn't really interesting. So I just decided to go back into the room with him, now he was reduced to a teary-eyed mess of blond and other things that made you wanna say STFU and GTFO.

"Siegfried..."

He was steadily trying to remove the ramen from his lap, I sat in it which didn't seem to make it any better.

"I'm sorry. Will you still be my best friend?"

When he ignored me and tried to push me off I sat more firmly.

"ANSWER ME!"

"FINE FINE! I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND ALRIGHT!??"

"Okayiloveyoubyebye!"

I jumped off his lap and walked away with a smile on.


	4. The SERIOUS Chapter

Siegfried surely didn't look as if he had any idea of where he was. Only that it was cold, and there was a lone light hanging from the ceiling. I loved watching his totally hot-AHEM, completely attractive face expressing deep worry. I pressed my nose against the one-way glass...in a serious way, of course. He was completely helpless, and after watching him be helpless for a good hour and a half-maybe two-I walked into the interrogation room, slamming the door loud enough to make him jump _twice_. Wordlessly, I sat in front of him and intertwined my fingers on the cold wooden table.

"Okay, Siegfried," I began, _totally serious_. "It's not like I'm losing popularity, or anything, popularity I'm quite proud of, most of which earned by you. It's just that...I'm fresh out of ideas for us, man."

He was freaking out, that's why I'd made sure to cuff him to the table, which was melded into the floor, which was connected to a bomb that would explode if the _chair_ were ever removed from the floor. Deadly, I know.

"Wh-what is this place! How did I get here! What did you do?" I calmed him by slamming the table into his mid section.

"Calm down man! You're sputtering nonsense! Now, I'll start by explaining why you're here." I leaned close, the table was too far away to put my hands on now, so I just kept them floating. "I'm going to have to _torture _the ideas out of you." His head started bleeding.

"Wh-"

"NAW, Just kiddin'!" I let out a hearty fit of laughter, but Siegfried simply gave me _that look_. "Ahem, but seriously, like, totally seriously. Ahem, I'm running out of ideas to put in this story we call 'every day life'. What other funny things have we done, Siegfried? Yes, I've recorded the Ramen, the Macdonalds, heck, even the bookbag!"

"_Funny_? You consider the things you put me through _funny_? Let me tell you one th-"

"I licked the glass before walking in here."

"...What?"

"The one way mirror, over there." I pointed...towards the wrong wall. "I licked it where I could see your face from...it was imaginatively delicious." He gave me a 'WTH' face. "But seriously Siegfried, this is serious. I have an appointment with Raphael in an hour, and he's _so _boring. That's why I came here, I figured we could do something that wasn't completely lame, post it on FanFiction, and make people laugh with it. Did you know, my story 'A Few Ways To Annoy Siegfried' has over one thousand views? More popular than the one with Nightmare, it's a sign. I'm losing my comedic genius."

"You're a sick, weird person."

"Thank you yes I know I deserve an Emmy." I nodded through the entire sentence. "But seriously! You're my star dude! My breakfast in the morning, my internet later on in the night and that time where you look out of the window and go 'Oh crap is it morning or night?'. "

"Well I'm _so sorry_. But who knows? Maybe you should just drop my story. Just by getting on the internet almost every night, you procrastinate on tons of things you should already have started working on."

I scratched my imaginary beard. "...Was that sentence correct?"

"...What?"

"'You should already have started working on'...?"

"FORGET ABOUT THE GRAMMAR FOR ONCE. GOD. Apparently, this has become more important to me than you." He broke the measly cuffs, which I half expected to happen, then stood. Unfortunately, when this happened, the chair was pushed back slightly, causing that bomb I mentioned before to explode. There was a huge dramatic scene, including fire, flaming lions, flaming alligators, kitten rescuing, a father reuniting with his family, and flying bird-kids, but you wouldn't care about any of that.

Singed, and overall quite pissed-looking, Siegfried began walking down the street from the station we were at. I followed.

"So? What do you suggest?"

He turned his head slowly, like in a Family Guy Stewie way, then smiled. "I suggest we procrastinate s'more."

"Oh that sounds like a great-"

And then I procrastinated, so the rest of this chapter was never finished.


End file.
